This man, who I have referred to as "E.D" since forever, lives with his wife. Why the name"E.D"? We never knew his name, and it so happened that Malaysia was advertising the issue of "erectile dysfunctional" on television. So as a child, I concluded that because he had no kids, he must have erectile dysfunctional, and so the name stuck from then on. There's nothing much to know about his wife. But if you must know, she's exactly the description of Aunt Petunia in J.K. Rowling's book, Harry Potter - "bony and horse-faced".
They are both of very odd, socially awkward characters. In a 21st century, its not entirely abnormal for neighbours to not mingle with one another. But this couple don't even make the slightest eye contact for years.
It wouldn't be fair to tell what the arguments were between my father and E.D, because obviously it would be one-sided. So I'll just start from the time I could remember what I witnessed from my own perspective.
Year 2004 - E.D may have been an aspiring contractor.
I was 13 at this point. Before this, E.D never really stayed in this house permanently. As a kid, I remembered him returning once every few days and even so, he returned in the wee hours of the morning. And then the nightmare (for me) started. In 2004, he started major renovations to his house. Half way through, he claimed that his contractors conned him and took off without completing the full job.
So for about 2 years, which means till I was 15, day and night and sometimes even midnight, he would be hammering and drilling away. It got so bad that at one point, I joked about him having a basement where he hid all the dead bodies like in the movie Disturbia. I'm almost convinced that instead of his contractors running off, he probably chased them away so he could have something to do with his life which made others' lives a living hell.
The wall that separated both our houses were knocked down in the process of the renovation. He neither informed us about it nor completed the job. Although the wall was build back up, he never painted our side of our wall. Why am I so sure of this? Because I fucking painted that wall.
E.D may have been a fisherman.
The gist of the arguments between my father and E.D was about how he washed the tar road outside of our house so often that it eroded and started sinking. E.D's response to my dad's statement was "It's the government's land", meaning to say that my dad has no right to squabble about it.
What was it that he needed to wet the road in front of both our houses so often? Previously, he even washed his dog's feces on to the road, so you can imagine the smell when you stepped out of the house. Other than feces, its fish guts after every fishing trip of his. So the front of my house either smelled like a public toilet or a wet market. The feces stopped overtime, but the "wet market" still occassionally happens now. And because the ground is pretty sunken in, there's a puddle of fish-smelling water in front of my house. Now imagine walking to your house, and that water splashes on to the back of your leg.
Why is it that miscarriages happen but these people continue to live in this world? Beats me.
E.D may be an aspiring Majlis Bandaraya Petaling Jaya officer.
In Malaysia today, we have too many cars for our own good. Which means its definitely a common issue of car park in a neighbourhood. Thankfully, my house is facing a park, which means there's more spaces for everyone on my block. Or you would think so.
That's E.D's truck, and that's his amazing parking skills and not a fuck given attitude.
That very same man who claimed that anything in front of his door step is "government's land", painted white lines across his house to indicate that that was his spot for his car. When that didn't deter people from parking opposite his house, he placed huge rocks to make sure no one could park there without damaging their undercarriage.. He drives a truck, so he has no problems going over it.
The psychotic part of all these is that he has the nerve to tell my father that my father could park in that parking spot if he wanted. Who the fuck is he kidding? You put the Great Wall of China to secure a parking spot for yourself on what you claim is government's land and then extend an invitation that will clearly damage my father's car?
E.D may be living alone in his parallel universe.
For a few years now, my cars and a few other neighbours' cars' tires have mysteriously been slashed or punctured on purpose. And for years, we wondered if it was a mischeievious act of a kid or an adult who really needed to have his hands chopped off.
The common thing about those incidents was that it happened every time one of the cars was not parked in front of that particular car owner's house. For example, my sister's car was parked in front of our hairdresser neighbour's house (I know I should really get to know their names) and two of her car tires got punctured (pebbles inserted into the air tube to let the air out slowly). The hairdresser neighbour's car was parked in front of my house and both his tires got slashed. If anything, it seems that whoever did this was trying to make both parties start a war with each other.
Until yesterday (6/11/2013), I was on the way home with a friend in the car and we saw that the hairdresser's car was parked in front of my house, and there was a man squatting beside the tire. As he wasn't squatting facing the houses, but facing the park, we could only see the top of his head as we drove by. And when I looked into the side mirror, I saw that it was E.D squatting beside that man's car tire clearly doing something to it. As I got down the car, I saw E.D's back, running off to his truck, driving over his "Great Wall of China" to make a quick escape and sped off. What a fucking tool right? Did he plan to run off to Thailand and never return home ever again?
So I quickly went to my neighbour's car and there it was, the same thing that happened to my sister's car. From a metre away, you could even hear the air coming out from the tire. So I went to the owner's house to inform him of what I saw.
That night itself, we all waited for E.D to return. He did come home twice, and it was clear that he was avoiding everyone, but on the second time, the owner of the recently damaged car managed to get a hold of him. My dad and I went out to clarify the whole situation. I stated what I saw and E.D's defense was that he took off because he was afraid that someone would accuse him of being the one who did it. When I told him that I told the owner about it and the owner did not think that I was the culprit, he changed the subject to how he was "everyone's friend".
E.D came knocking on our gate the second time after he had his discussion with several other neighbours. The first thing he said to my dad was that he felt offended that I accused him of such a thing and that it was wrong of me to do so. So I told him that if he felt that way, we could both go to the police, I will give my statement of what I witnessed, and he will give his statement and we will let the police investigate from there. I also let him know that lying in his statement would be against the law and we will then see who ends up in jail. His response? "Ha...report?"
Again, he changed the subject to how he is a good person, he has helped informed us when there was supposedly a thief who tried to enter our house, he had let us know when we forgot to unlock our car doors. Honestly, so what? That doesn't change the fact of whatever I saw yesterday.
And knowing his delusional character, he could very well be making those stories up. I could have easily told him that 5 muscle men armed with machetes tried to break into his house and I single-handedly fended them off and saved his property. Would he have ever known for sure? No.
My dad then asked him about the CCTV he installed at his house and he answered excitedly agreeing that he does own a CCTV to have caught it all. When my dad suggested that we all took a look at the recording together and find out who did it if he said it wasn't him., E.D's response? "Uh...I think my wife didn't turn it on."
E.D may be the dumbest fucking living being I've ever known.
This morning, my sister sent me a text at 7.30am - "ED's car tire was punctured when I left for work. Prepare for drama." As I was leaving the house later (9.45am), E.D was pulling a spare tire out of his trunk and he put it back in when he saw that I wasn't paying attention. Peripheral vision, I was watching him watching me.
When my parents went out later in the afternoon to buy lunch (12-ish pm), he was just about to change his car tire then. Not to mention, his car has moved from where it was parked at 7.30am. If you don't see this as him trying to get the attention and "sympathy" of people, you must be extremely dumb or you must be E.D reading this. But this post isn't about you, if you're not E.D.
He then send a text to my dad, which you can see below (forwarded from my dad's phone to me)
HE WANTS TO BRING GOD UP WITH ME?! We will have a fucking competition and stand in the rain during a crazy thunderstorm and we will see which one of us gets strike by lightning! I swear, this is not the end of it because this old man is clearly delusional, vengeful and so extremely stupid.
Wish me luck and patience, everyone. My life is too epic.